U.S. — A fascinating new study has revealed that the vast majority of people, when presented with a blind taste test, can't tell the difference between candy corn and a dusty, old orange crayon we found in a junk drawer.
According to researchers, people who were fed candy corn and people who were fed the old orange crayon that had been stowed away in a drawer for the last 17 years had the same reaction: "This tastes like a waxy blob of nothing, and my life is much worse for having placed this repulsive object in my mouth."
"We had theorized that at least 20% of those surveyed would be able to detect some kind of flavor in the candy corn," said head of research Dr. Gorbo Linfield. "So we were shocked to find that over 95% of people had the same instant negative reaction to eating candy corn that they did to chewing on the old, dusty crayon."
"The science is settled: candy corn is just as tasty as a crayon forgotten in a cabinet for decades." Further research showed that over 90% of people couldn't tell the difference between marshmallow Peeps and a piece of cotton pulled from an ibuprofen bottle, Spangler Circus Peanuts and an eraser from one of those giant novelty pencils, or Dots and stale gum that has been stuck on the underside of a table at Flo's #2 Family Restaurant in Chino, California for the last 9 years.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that the remaining 5% of people actually thought the orange crayon tasted better than the candy corn.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: