SANTA ANA, CA - The nation's black churches have announced a plan to begin sending missionaries to their white brothers and sisters' churches in order to teach them how to clap to a beat.

One missionary, Anita Brooks, recently arrived at her mission field, Cornerstone Life Church in Santa Ana. She taught the natives how to listen to a song, feel the rhythm and tempo, and clap on the appropriate beats.

When she arrived at the church, the situation was worse than she feared. "This is hard ground for a missionary to work with," she said. "I thought they would have some innate sense of musical tempo written on their hearts, but they are completely unreached by the gospel of having any sense of rhythm."

"The church has 500 white people, and not a single one of them was clapping on the correct beat," she added, clearly discouraged. "2 and 4, people, 2 and 4!!!"

The natives are getting angry at the missionary and may drive her out to stay in their savage ways of clapping on every possible beat except the correct one.