Biden Warns Of Especially Severe 'Whirlyswirly Wind' Season This Year
U.S.

WILMINGTON, DE—Sitting down before a crowd of newsy-talky-folks holding moving-picture-takers and talky-wordy-keepers, President Joe Biden gave a stern warning that the United States may experience an especially severe whirly-swirly-wind season this year. 

“Believe me when I say it’s bad, man. I just returned from a vacation down in Louisiana, and boy was it a mess down there. I wish someone had told me about the damage from the super-spinny-windy-drippy-floody before they sent me down there. The tarry-jalopy-trails were littered with torn-up treehouse-holders and broken bed-and-kitchen-boxes. I was relieved to finally be led back onto the floaty-wingy-sky-boat.

When newsy-talky-folks asked if the American Midwest should be concerned about an increase in dangerous tornadoes, Biden turned to the curtain behind him to ask what all those words meant. A hand, looking suspiciously like Barack Obama’s, shot out and gave Biden a note, which he read after eating it just a little bit.

“I’ve been told you are wondering if the binky-belly of America should do some hunker-dunkering because of the grouchy-ouchy whirly-swirly wind.” After a moment using his thinky-thoughts, the President wisely responded:

“Turnip.”

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