WASHINGTON, D.C. - Earlier this week, President Biden was spotted at Home Depot using color swatches to help him choose the next Supreme Court Justice.
"Hmmm... should I go with the 'Neutral Tans' or the 'Balmy Browns' Collection?" Biden said to himself.
"Everything is riding on this!"
Store employees report the president was looking through the color swatches for hours, only stopping to eat ice cream. Secret Service agents blocked off the aisle and refused to let other customers shop for their home projects.
Biden reportedly asked an employee for help but the white man was too afraid to risk being accidentally racist.
Home Depot Associate Jake Stone said of his encounter, "He was trying to ask what the best shade of black is for total submissiveness to his progressive executive agenda. At first, I thought he was going to repaint the Oval Office. I told him black wouldn't be great for a room."
"No, for people!" Biden allegedly yelled. "Black people! Come on, man!"
The president then turned back to the swatches. At one point he held up Chestnut Brown and Charcoal Black swatches and compared them to each other. "Wait - blacks are brown? I don't get it."
Biden left the Home Depot with five color swatches in his possession, explaining he had to see which one matched VP Kamala Harris.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.