WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stern warning to Texas and other states standing in support of razor wire barriers at the Southern border, President Biden said that Texas has until the end of the day to remove it or else frinlerbagsuzzit dorblelerg.

"This has gotten out of hand, folks," said Biden before a crowd of reporters. "The governor of Texas has defied the gribblegarg of tortlshwaligglbuther. I'm giving Greg Abbot until sundown today to remove thrigldiffin or else frinlerbagsuzzit dorblelerg. Not a joke!

Confused reporters directed further questions to Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre, who is black as well as gay. "What the president means is something he has been clear about from day one, and that is exactly what he means, which is abundantly clear," she said. "The important thing to remember here is that the border is one-hundred percent secure and Biden is the most competent President of all time. No further questions, thanks."

"I have no idea what frinlerbagsuzzit dorblelerg is, but it sounds like some high-falutin big city nonsense to me," responded Abbot. "The razor wire will stay. Bring on the frinlerbagsuzzit dorblelerg! Yee haw!"

At publishing time, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 to uphold Biden's decision to impose frinlerbagsuzzit dorblelerg on the state of Texas.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.