WASHINGTON, D.C.—There has been a lot of bad news coming out of the American withdrawal from Afghanistan, including that the Taliban has now obtained a lot of U.S. military equipment, such as humvees, Black Hawk helicopters, and attack planes. But Biden delivered some good news in a recent press conference: Americans have obtained some of the Taliban’s most advanced military equipment, including what appears to be a stick with a rock tied to it.
“Look at this baby,” Biden told the press as he held up the captured weapon. “Who knows what kind of damage the Taliban could have done with this? They may have our rifles and ammo now, but they’re not going to—you know—clonk anyone over the head with this.”
Biden also said that the weapon could have become more deadly if our military hadn’t obtained it. “Right now, it’s a blunt thing good for smashing,” Biden explained. “But the Taliban could have sharpened the rock tied to the stick. And then—wow—just think of that. Gives you chills.”
Biden said military researchers are now studying the weapon and have almost replicated it using a stick and a rock found in the park and some twine from Hobby Lobby. “Raytheon says they can make a bunch of these for us at $20 million a pop. We’ll probably stick with the M16s, though.”