WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a press conference conducted to prove he is still mentally fit to lead the country, President Joe Biden recounted the time he parted the Red Sea to escape slavery in Mexico.

The president spoke to a gathering of reporters to assuage growing fears that he is no longer competent to serve, telling everyone that he is just as fit to lead today as he was the day he led a large multitude through the Red Sea on dry land to leave the oppression of the Mexican king.

"Here's the deal," Biden shouted aggressively. "All this talk about my fitness to serve as president is malarkey. My memory is sharp as a tack, folks. I can remember clear as day how it felt to stand in front of the… stand up there… stand in front… in front of the… the guy… the king of Mexico… and tell him ‘Listen up, Jack. Let all these people go, or so help me, I'll… I'll… anyway…"

Reporters present at the press conference sat in bewildered silence as the president continued his story. "All that stood between us and freedom was the Red Sea, down there at the Mexican border," he said. "I raised my staff, the waters parted, and we went through on dry ground. That's leadership, folks."

At publishing time, Biden adamantly expressed to the media that he was just as fit to lead the United States as George Washington and John Kennedy are today.

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