U.S. — President Biden has started to become progressively more curious which "President Putin" he gave a nuclear warhead to.

"Hmmm. This could be trouble," murmured Biden, pondering the ramifications. "Think Joe, think!"

According to White House sources, Biden has a high degree of confidence that he gave a tactical nuke to someone by the name of "Putin," but he simply cannot recall if it was the Russian one or the Ukrainian one. "Was he the little guy or the big guy? The one in the suit or that camo crap? Aw man, I don't know," sighed President Biden. "Boy, am I in a pickle."

Biden reportedly called a cabinet meeting in order to help decipher the riddle. "Okay, Pete, how about you pretend you're me, and you were going to give a nuke to someone. Who would you give it to?" asked Biden. "Yes, you can still be gay in this scenario. Umm... No Antony, I didn't give anyone a nuke. This is just, like, an icebreaker thingy. Come on, people!"

At publishing time, aides discovered Biden has also been calling the Prime Minister of Japan "President Putin," leading to a fresh round of investigations over the nuke's whereabouts.

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