BERLIN — In a unifying speech last night, President Joe Biden announced new measures against groups that threaten the nation's foundations. Biden explained that effective immediately, all unwanted groups will be moved to camps. The camps are being constructed to isolate these threats to democracy from the broader citizenry, as well as provide them with opportunity for re-education through labor. "We are determined to stamp out violent extremism to preserve democracy." Biden spoke from a podium, flanked by two Special Soldiers as he stood in front of an imposing red color scheme. "Anyone who stands against the rule of law will be exterminated without regard to previous citizenship status – those whom we forced to wear special markings for the last several months have been identified as threats, and we are treating them as such. We must preserve the fabric of our nation from these vermin."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
