Biden: 'Hamas Is Just An Idea'
Politics

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During an interview last night, President Joe Biden said that Israel's fears over Hamas launching rockets to murder them are unfounded, and that Hamas is "just an idea."

"Look, Hamas is, well, it's just an idea, really," Biden said during a segment on ABC News. "It's more of a concept, an a-a-abstract, a, the, you know, the, the, the thing. A sym - a symbol. Hamas is more of the journey, the, the destination."

"The real Hamas is just the, you know, just the friends we made along the way."

"So who is launching the rockets then?" asked the interviewer.

"Come on, man!" Biden replied angrily. "Want to arm-wrestle? I took down ol' Bucktooth Joe back in my college days. He was one of the best arm-wrestlers east of the Mississippi. And, pow! I took him down. Right in the kisser. Let's go, me and you, right now. Or maybe a push-up contest. You know, the -- the thing about the push-ups --" 

The feed cut off abruptly.

There was great relief across the nation of Israel over Biden's assurances, with people coming out of hiding and dancing in the streets that there is really not a nation run by a terrorist group that wants to eradicate them off the face of the earth, and that Hamas is just a vague concept out in the ether somewhere.

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