US — With inflation showing no signs of slowing down, a new diet craze is sweeping across the nation. Known as the Biden Diet, the principle is simple; you spend the same amount of money on groceries as you were before, but you only get half the amount of food.
Google searches for "Biden Diet" have surged 3,000% in the last month, and nutrition experts say their phones are ringing off the hook with questions. "Hundreds of people call my office every day asking about the Biden Diet," said nutritionist Dr. Rich Simones. "For a long time everyone was into paleo, but really, who can afford meat these days?"
Simones says the ultimate strength of the Biden Diet is its simplicity. "You don't really have to do anything special to participate," he noted. "You just go to the grocery store and buy as much food as you can afford, and soon all those extra pounds just start melting away!"
Connecticut mother Denise Martelli said her whole family is having success on the Biden Diet. "We're spending the same amount of money on groceries each week, but my husband and I have each lost 10 pounds," she exclaimed. "Our kids used to be chubby too, and now all three are in the 10th weight percentile for their age group. I tell you, this Biden Diet is a miracle!"
At publishing time, the White House announced that President Biden has been nominated for a Nobel Prize in medicine for singlehandedly solving the obesity crisis in America.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
