Biden Bans High-Capacity Assault Stairs
Politics · Apr 8, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. - By executive order today, Joe Biden has banned all high-capacity assault stairs. Any stair with over 30 steps is considered high-capacity and must be reduced to the California-style, 11-step version, with lower clearance and high-friction padding to reduce the chance of fall and injury.

"Stairs are a menace on our society, and no one should have the right to assault others with difficult-to-climb stairs," he said. "You know right now in America, stair manufacturers can't be sued. That's a fact. And anyone can buy a set of assault stairs with no background check in our country. That's malarkey."

Biden was referring to the off-cited "stair show loophole," which is a myth, as all stairs sold in the country are, in fact, subject to rigorous background checks.

At publishing time, Biden had also called for a ban on military-style assault dogs, who are known to trip up innocent bystanders and the occasional president.


Comments

There are 90 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.