RIVERVIEW, MN—An interdenominational tradition, the annual summer dance-off between the local Grace Presbyterian and First Baptist churches is a highly anticipated event every single year.
But as usual, the event turned into a prolonged 14-hour stalemate Wednesday evening, with the team of dancers on both sides merely staring at one another well into the following morning.
“These guys are true pros,” commentator Buzz Wildred said in the fifth hour of the event, as all participants remained frozen to the spot, with absolutely no movement whatsoever. “Uh-oh—the DJ’s gonna bump DC Talk’s ‘In The Light.’ Let’s see if the Baptists crack.”
But they remained still as stone.
“Absolute mastery over their bodies. Amazing,” Wildred whispered.
Finally, the contest was decided just before the 14-hour mark, as a coach for the Baptist team stealthily slipped several cheesy chicken casseroles onto the center of the church gymnasium dance floor, and the entire Baptist team dove for the hot dishes. A judge ruled their movements could be construed as a break dance, and the contest was called in favor of First Baptist Church.
The Presbyterian team was devastated by the loss, but stated they will hit the Baptists hard next year by playing several hot remixes from the Trinity Hymnal.
“Even we can’t resist some pensive swaying during a majestic rendition of Psalm 46,” the coach said.
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