Baby Outraged As Person Holding Him Is Not Standing Up

TULSA, OK — A local baby was outraged this morning after realizing the adult holding him was sitting in a chair, rather than standing up.

Sources say the baby began shrieking frantically as soon as his father took a break from walking in circles to sit down for a few minutes, which the baby found to be a cruel and insulting gesture.

"Who does this moron think he is?" said the baby, whose statement came out in an ear-piercing wail as soon as his dad's rear-end touched the chair. "Why is he not standing? Why? WHY? WHY IS HE NOT STANDING WHILE HE'S HOLDING ME?"

Eyewitnesses claim the man desperately tried to console the child with toys, a pacifier, and a bottle, but none of these things worked, as he was still sitting in a chair. "How has he not figured it out by now?" thought the baby. "I simply refuse to be held by someone who is sitting down. Why is this so hard for an adult to understand?"

The baby was soon calm once again after his defeated dad sighed and stood up out of the chair.

At publishing time, the baby once again began screaming as his dad tried to sit down again.

Babylon Bee subscriber Jeff Johansen contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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