TEHRAN — After watching his missile bombardment of Israel fail to yield the results he had hoped for, Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei frantically googled "how to build iron dome thingy FAST."
Israel's much-publicized "Iron Dome" missile defense system was placed under tremendous strain during Iran's attack but was able to prevent mass casualties despite a barrage of well over 100 ballistic missiles.
"Okay, so we didn't wipe out the Jews and now they're going to retaliate," Khamenei reportedly told high-ranking members of the Iranian government. "But don't worry, I have a plan."
Witnesses said Khamenei then hopped on his computer to search the Internet for do-it-yourself destructions on building whatever an Iron Dome was. "The news keeps saying Israel has an 'Iron Dome.' I'm beginning to think that's just a metaphor for a high-tech missile defense system. I'm sure someone on YouTube has figured it out," he told Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian.
The 85-year-old leader of Iran reportedly utilized a member of Generation Z to help him log onto his America Online account so they could perform the Internet search together.
Initial searches turned up no results, but the supreme leader persisted, trying different combinations of search keywords such as, "explosion-proof country + jews" and "iron domes for sale near me."
At publishing time, Iran had been wiped off the map after Ayatollah Ali Khamenei bought a trick exploding Iron Dome from a Mossad agent on eBay.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
