U.S.—In a press conference Friday, evangelical leaders called on their followers to begin referring to the President as "TR-MP" in all written materials, whether by hand or on the internet.
"See, if a document were ever deleted or a piece of paper were thrown away, you would be discarding the holy name of Tr-mp," said Jerry Falwell, Jr. in a solemn address. "You can't be too careful when it comes to showing reverence to the Anointed One."
"The Bible says to touch not the Lord's Anointed," Falwell, Jr. added, though he clarified he'd never opened the Bible himself. "So we need to be careful to always treat the name of Tr-mp with reverence."
Pastor Robert Jeffress of First Baptist Dallas also backed the measure, while Pat Robertson might have agreed or possibly was just ranting about the plot of a Columbo episode he'd seen the night before. It wasn't clear which.
The pastors gathered also suggested referring to Trump in spoken word as "He Who Must Not Be Named" so as not to blaspheme by mistake.
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