WILMINGTON, DE — As the prosecution in the Hunter Biden trial rests its case, several reports from within the courtroom indicate that the defendant Hunter Biden has just asked the judge if this might be a good time for him to just kinda sidle out back behind the court dumpsters for, say, just a minute or two no real reason in particular.

According to eyewitnesses in the trial, Hunter Biden had been sweating, drumming his fingers on the table, rubbing glazed eyes, and tapping his foot increasingly faster and faster before leaning over to his lawyers and whispering to them for a minute as the prosecution finished its statements. Abbe Lowell, head defense counsel for Biden, then stood up and addressed the judge.

"Your Honor, my client would like to be excused for a minute, please," Lowell declared as Hunter displayed signs of panic and started drooling and making poof-poof noises with his mouth behind him. "What? No, no reason at all. He just…wants to…stretch his legs? Or something? Like, if this is a good time, is he really needed in the courtroom?"

Upon receiving the judge's permission, Hunter casually and politely waved aside a bailiff's offer to accompany him outside, then darted out behind a dumpster. Small white puffs of smoke were later seen rising from that general vicinity.

At publishing time, Hunter had reentered the courtroom looking much more comfortable but just a little bit disoriented.

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