U.S. — Pride Month officially concludes June 30th with a series of explicit parades and orgies, but community activists have assured as many as would listen that they are not going anywhere. Now, as pride month comes to an end, Americans are looking forward to 11 months of still pandering to the LGBTQ community.
"Yeah, I love the LGBTQIA+ community, and I look forward to celebrating it 24/7 for the rest of the year," said one man. "Also, I don't want to get canceled. Please don't cancel me."
Several businesses are reportedly prepping "miniature pride" campaigns that will be deployed throughout the year so that no one forgets queer people exist and like to make their private sex lives public knowledge.
Mondelez International CEO Tim Oreo expressed his desire to double down on LGBTQ pandering. "We want you thinking about queer people every single day," he announced at a shareholder's meeting. "That's why every snack food we sell will be gay in some way, guaranteed. We will also be rolling out non-binary Oreo cookies that have no frosting. They are intentionally bland."
Not everyone is enthused about 11 more months of LGBT pandering.
Texas native Raymond "The Bigot" James ate a rainbow Oreo cookie sadly while wishing what he described as a "horror show" would end.
"I don't really care what someone does in the privacy of their own home," said the Waco resident. "But this isn't about personal freedom anymore, if it ever was. Frankly, it's just obnoxious."
At publishing time, LGBTQ activists have released the month of October from their control to make way for National Abortion Month.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.