WASHINGTON, D.C. — After an adorably flirtatious back-and-forth with billionaire Elon Musk on Twitter, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was seen wistfully writing the name "Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez-Musk" in whimsical girly handwriting inside a heart in the pages of her notebook, sources say.
"Ever since Musk took over Twitter, the sexual tension between the pair has been palpable," said an aide for AOC who refused to be named. "For days now, AOC has been staring off into the distance dreamily, falling into fits of giddy giggling, and writing endlessly in her little notebook. It's so adorable!"
When asked for comment, AOC reportedly slammed her notebook shut. "EWWWWWW! I don't like him! He's gross and yucky! It's not like I wanna hold his hand, or kiss him on the lips, or be joined with him in holy matrimony and rule Twitter as King and Queen while making dozens of genius Musk babies!" she said defensively. "Don't be silly!"
The congresswoman's communications team also released an official statement, saying "AOC does NOT like Elon. He's probably obsessed with her though because she's so pretty. So there! Nya nya nya boo boo!" The communications team then retreated to the other side of Capitol Hill to skip rope and chant "Elon and AOC, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
At publishing time, witnesses had claimed they saw her googling "What do Elon's feet look like in flip flops?"
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: