NEW YORK, NY - After photos emerged of AOC in South Florida enjoying brunch free of COVID restrictions and without wearing a mask, the congresswoman quickly clarified that she had actually been taken to Florida against her will by Governor Ron DeSantis.
"Ron DeSantis kidnapped me!" cried AOC to reporters. "He captured me and dragged me to Florida and held me hostage! And then he killed me. He killed me with Omicron. And now I am dead."
The media is now demanding answers from DeSantis. Additionally, the DOJ announced they will be sending resources to investigate the Florida governor for kidnapping and homicide.
"DeSantis is just another Republican who is creepily obsessed with AOC," said CNN anchor Brian Stelter between tearful sobs. "And he proved that by kidnapping and murdering her in cold blood. This is all Tucker Carlson's fault."
Further investigations found that AOC didn't actually die but was just knocked out from too many mimosas.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
