Ancient Man Regales Children With Tale About How Value Tacos At Del Taco Used To Be 29 Cents
Life · Jul 26, 2023 ·

OCEANSIDE, CA — An ancient, wizened sage from a bygone era gathered a group of fascinated children around his knee to recount the Legend of the 29-cent Del Taco Value Taco.

"Gather round, children," instructed Matt Johnson to a group of delighted youngsters. "I've a tale to tell about days of yore when that Del Taco yonder sold a pretty decent little taco for 29 cents on the American dollar. How 'bout that, huh?"

The children could scarcely believe their ears as Johnson continued by detailing a fantasyland of cheap tacos, cheap burritos, and something called "the Wendy's Dollar Menu".

"It-it CAN'T be true!" questioned a bewildered Tommy Gardner. "There's no way Del Taco ever sold those little bundles of questionable-yet-delicious meat and sort-of cheese for less than two quarters. This man spins a fantastic yarn, but it's a spiderweb of lies, I tell you! LIES!"

An undeterred Johnson continued with an equally unbelievable tale of the time he scored concert tickets to a big-name band for just $15. "The seats were pretty good, my young friends. And a bottle of water at the venue was a mere $3. This is the stuff your fancy textbooks won't tell you but listen to me--it's all real."

As of printing time, the children officially declared Johnson the biggest liar in the world after the ancient man told them a tale of 97 cents a gallon gas and an equally absurd 5 for $5.55 Arby's Big Beef and Cheddar sandwiches.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.

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