U.S. — In a move to capitalize on the current heightened volatility of the political climate, one ammunition manufacturer unveiled a new giant shell casing with more room for left-wing terrorists to write out all their motives in detail.
Progressive Ammunition looked to expand its market share this week in the wake of a new spate of politically motivated violence by providing crazed radicals with a bullet casing large enough to accommodate their manifestos.
"Finally, a projectile with more writing room," said Progressive Ammunition marketing representative Jim Prater. "Left-wing terrorists have been forced to write short messages on their bullet casings for too long, and it's time to give them the room they need to express themselves before they commit some heinous act of murder. We hope to become the preferred ammunition company for Democrats, anarchists, and other deranged killers everywhere."
Leftist assassins were excited by the announcement. "This is what I need," said Antifa activist Evan Olbrecht. "I've got something I've been planning to show those fascist, Nazi, capitalist pigs a thing or two, but I haven't been able to find any bullet casings with enough room for me to really write out my motivations. I'm glad to finally have the chance to say what I really want to say, without having to cut it down to just a word or two."
The FBI then raided Olbrecht's apartment and seized his giant bullets before he could carry out any violent act.
At publishing time, MSNBC reported that there was no discernible motive ascertained from the 1,000-word leftist manifestos Olbrecht had scribbled on the bullet casings.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
