WASHINGTON, D.C.—After it was revealed that Bernie Sanders only gave a very small percentage of his considerable wealth to charity upon release of his tax returns, socialist Bernie Sanders vowed to do better, promising to be more generous with your money in the future.
"I know I haven't given as much to charity as I could have, but I'm going to try to be a lot more generous with your money going forward," he said in a solemn press conference. "I only gave like 1-2% of my money away. And that's just not right. After much r reflection and introspection, I've decided I'm OK with giving as much as 70, 80, or even 90% of your income away."
The crowd cheered and wept openly at this extremely generous gesture.
"I just love how generous the old coot is," a woman with a Bernie face tattoo said in an interview with reporters. "Some people make millions and then hoard it all, but not Bernie. He's willing to make millions of his own money with a very successful book and then give away tons of your money."
"I wish more people in Washington were like him."