BATESVILLE, IN — In what many called a brazen attack on cherished American values, the Ripley County Board of Commissioners announced that it had elected to replace a local 4-way stop with one of those roundabouts.
"I'm appalled by this Communist infiltration of our beloved town," said local motorist Buddy Caughorn. "I never thought I'd see wokeness take over our roads, but here we are, with these foreign loopy things. Disgusting."
Traffic experts claim that roundabouts are both a good way to keep traffic flowing and also a good way to waste tax dollars. Many have assured American drivers that they're all the rage in socialist hellholes like France and Italy.
"Do I stop? Do I yield? I don't understand it, and I don't want to!" said a local mom upon entering the roundabout, immediately causing her brain to shut down, which led to a 20-car pileup. "Whose terrible idea were these? Probably the Muslims. They ruin everything."
Already, Batesville police had reported 32 dozen accidents on the new roundabout.
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