American Students Unsure Who To Cheat Off After Trump Revokes Chinese Student Visas

U.S. — According to reports, the Trump administration was revoking thousands of Chinese student visas, leaving American students in danger of having no one to cheat off of.

"International students from China have long been our most reliable source of test answers and illicit thesis writing," said one student researcher, whose statement contained hundreds of spelling errors as he had no Chinese student to help him. "This puts thousands of American students at risk of not gradudading. Absolutely terrafying."

"Puny American students will be lost without us," said one foreign student and Chinese Communist Party operative as he prepared to return to Shanghai. "Good luck trying to find answer for simple math problem, puny Americans! Ha ha ha!"

Sources confirmed that American GPAs had already started to plummet in the wake of the Trump administration's policy. "We are quickly finding out that approximately 100% of our academic achievement in America was accomplished by cheating off Chinese students," said one Harvard professor.

At publishing time, grades were back up after students realized they could just use ChatGPT.

Babylon Bee subscriber David Raphael contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.