Amazing New Technology Sure To Advance Mankind To The Next Level Of Consciousn - Never Mind, They're Just Using It To Make Porn Again
Tech · Feb 17, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

WORLD — The dawn of artificial intelligence has brought mankind to the cusp of potentially reaching an entirely new level of consciousness, but humanity has decided to instead use it to make more porn.

"After spending so many decades of my life developing artificial intelligence, I could not wait to see what mankind would do with this unbelievable tool," explained A.I. designer Sam Hawkins. "Would it be used to diagnose cancer earlier? Help us communicate across every language on the planet? Nope. Turns out, humans will use any tool capable of making porn to, well, make porn. I'm an idiot."

Though sources report occasional instances of artificial intelligence being used to augment internet search results or type students' essays, research confirms that 99.9% of its use has just been for porn. "We could task artificial intelligence to work through the most complex problems imaginable at a rate far beyond human capacity, unlocking remarkable goods for humanity," said developer Thomas Whitehead. "This was sure to be the key to the next incredible leap in human understanding. It was... until people realized they could use it to make porn. I can't believe this is what actual intelligence does with artificial intelligence."

At publishing time, humanity had confirmed that every single tool ever created would be turned instantly to sinful purposes, forever and always.

Babylon Bee subscriber Uncle Crumpty contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

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