AKRON, OH — Several members of the city council were reportedly "extremely bummed" to have narrowly lost its bid to host the 2036 Olympic Games in the 142nd International Olympic Committee meeting in July.

According to Mayor Shammas Malik, the city had been hoping to host an Olympics for several decades now, and the news that the IOC would no longer be considering Akron as a host city for the games was a "crushing blow." Smith said that Akron had already begun preparing venues for hosting.

"We really thought we had this one," Smith told reporters. "We have a beautiful YMCA with spacious Olympic-sized lanes — it would have been perfect for the swimming events. The county fairgrounds are more than big enough to host the track & field and equestrian events. We've even got a creek down the road for canoeing, and the beach right by it would be great for beach volleyball!"

Several local shopkeepers were also "incredibly disappointed" to miss out on all the tourist dollars that would result from the Summer Olympics.

"I'll be honest, this isn't the result we were hoping for," Billy Northrup, owner of Northrup's Deli, admitted in a special convention of the entire population of Akron at City Hall. "I know we're all disappointed, but just remember that we'll have another shot at things in four years. We'll be needing those 'Akron Olympics' banners eventually!"

At publishing time, Akron's neighboring city, Barberton, had also been crushed to hear that its bid to host the 2038 Winter Games had likewise been denied.

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