WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump was crushed today when aides informed him that Maduro and Mamdani are, in fact, different people.
Trump had initially hailed the successful deposing of a lunatic communist, only to learn it was the one in Venezuela, not New York.
"Are you serious?" said Trump, as aides showed him side-by-side pictures. "He's Venezuelan, but he's being charged in New York? Well, that's disappointing, I have to tell you. That is terrible news, frankly. There are so many communist nutjobs these days, it's hard to keep track. What a bummer, though."
According to sources, aides present in the Situation Room began to suspect the mix-up after Trump thanked Delta Force for "nabbing that skinny little punk that eats with his hands." Those suspicions deepened after Trump asked if this now made him the rightful Mayor of New York.
"We've got to tell him," sighed aid Joseph Bean. "He's not going to like this."
At publishing time, aides had also informed Trump that the explosions he was seeing were actually the mausoleum of Hugo Chavez, not Letitia James's house.
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