TAMPA, FL — After her divorce with Tom Brady becomes finalized, supermodel Gisele Bundchen is expected to own three times as many Super Bowl rings as legendary Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers.
"Gosh, that can't be right," said Ms. Bundchen. "I'm just a model, while he is supposedly one of the best quarterbacks ever. How could I possibly wind up with three times as many rings as Aaron Rodgers?? I'll have to call and ask Aaron again how many rings he has."
Despite only taking three of Mr. Brady's seven Super Bowl rings, Ms. Bundchen discovered from her phone call that she indeed had far surpassed the Green Bay hero. "Yes, Gisele, I really only have one ring. Yes, I know that's very surprising," said Mr. Rodgers grimly. "No, I really don't think I need to count my collection again. Thanks, Gisele."
The sports world has been reeling ever since news broke of Mr. Brady's divorce. "I guess Gisele was just looking for someone better-looking and more successful than Tom," said former teammate Rob Gronkowski. "Man, I just can't wait for Tom to officially be single. Tom is so kind, so generous, and you would not believe how fit he still is. His eyes still sparkle and - wait, what was I talking about?"
At publishing time, reporters spotted Gisele with her new boyfriend Steve, a middle-aged insurance salesman from Indiana.
This man is under arrest - for MANSPLAINING!