WASHINGTON, D.C. - In conjunction with the USDA and HHS, President Joe Biden has released guidance for Americans that are being hit hard by inflation and surging gas prices. To ease their pain, the administration is advising everyone to add more water to their instant ramen so they can feel more full.
Press Secretary Jen Psaki briefed the press this morning on the Biden administration's official position. "It's really simple," she said. "Just add more water and you'll get more delicious broth - like magic! The president wants Americans to know that he's feeling their pain and we'll get through this together. Biden is just like one of you. The first lady puts on his pants for him one leg at a time just like everybody else."
She continued, "The president feels, and we agree, that 'Big Ramen' is using the Ukraine crisis as an excuse to price gouge poor working-class trans people of color."
"But please don't forget," she added. "HHS is reminding everyone to not leave ramen in the microwave too long or the noodles will absorb all the water. Then you won't feel like you're getting more."
Mainstream media members generally felt like Psaki explained herself "really well" and had no follow-up questions as none of them eat ramen anyway.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.