Politics
ACLU Clarifies It's Only In Support Of Immigrants After They Leave Womb

TEXAS—After a high profile case in which the non-profit advocated for abortion rights for an illegal immigrant, the American Civil Liberties Union issued a clarification on its positions Wednesday, specifying that the organization is only in support of immigrants who survive the first nine months in their mothers’ womb.

The clarification came as a result of confusion surrounding the Union’s support of the killing of a 15-week-old undocumented alien that had been residing in a Jane Doe immigrant’s womb.

“We fully support all immigrants who manage to survive the full nine months preceding birth,” ACLU president Susan N. Herman told reporters. “If they’re still in the womb, we support their wholesale destruction. But the second they come out, we’ll defend their civil liberties to the death.”

“We hope this clarification helps clear up any confusion,” Herman added.

The official statement issued by the ACLU declared that the organization will now only defend the civil rights of undocumented immigrants who manage to avoid being aborted by their mothers, and specifically excluded beings that are 100% biologically human if they haven’t made it out of their mother’s body quite yet.

At publishing time, the ACLU had cheered on the abortion of the 15-week-old infant since it hadn’t yet made it outside of the womb where the Union would defend his or her rights no matter the cost.

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