The people of Martha's Vineyard are facing a border crisis, with immigrants being shipped in from Florida by the planeload. But the fine people of the wealthy community have come up with some unique and innovative ways of handling the crisis. Here are the 9 steps they are taking to solve the issue:
- Building a wall - A big, beautiful wall.
- Deporting people who are there illegally - They've already been shipped out by bus. Smart!
- Employing mounted border patrol to whip migrants away - It's not humane, but it is effective.
- Firing cans of tear gas - This was Obama's idea.
- Pulling down their "Immigrants are welcome here" signs and replacing with ones that say "Go away or we will taunt you a second time." - Just to avoid any confusion!
- Putting the migrants to work on the hedges and baseboards - If you can't deport 'em, employ 'em!
- Building cages for the migrant kids - Gotta separate them from their parents for processing, of course.
- Declaring a border crisis and calling in the military - It's time to get tough!
- Reminding people that there are legal paths to citizenship and that having a strong immigration policy is not the same thing as hating other cultures - A unique take no one has ever thought of before.
Really smart ideas, wealthy liberal elites! We should think about using these tactics on our other border...
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: