After years of anticipation, Democrats released the tax returns of Donald Trump, shattering Trump's dream of working as an accountant for H&R Block. Members of the House Ways and Means Committee say this proves once and for all that Trump is "guilty of something, probably." But what do these tax returns actually reveal?
Behold, the shocking truth:
- Trump charged over $500,000 worth of business lunches at McDonald's: And he's still alive! What an amazing man.
- On his 2017 returns, he listed his occupation as "America's Favorite President": The DOJ may prosecute him for lying on a federal form. Everyone knows James A. Garfield is America's actual favorite president.
- He claimed 328 million people as his dependents in 2019: Technically true.
- Melania's returns, filed individually, were also released for some reason: She used the same tax guy as Trump, though. Suspicious!
- Trump's charitable contributions include copies of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York for starving children in Africa: Awwwwww!
- The famous hole-in-one on the 7th hole at Trump International Golf Club was written off as a business expense: Smart!
- Trump signed all tax forms with a gold sharpie instead of a blue or black pen: This is a clear violation of tax law!
- He applied for the same basic deductions available to any American citizen: Criminal!
After these revelations, we're thankful Trump isn't president anymore. What a monster!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
