Watching your retirement account tumble as $10 trillion in market value evaporates can be a stressful experience. Here are seven facts to make you feel at ease as you watch the stock market plunge:
You now have less money to worry about losing: Less money, less problems.
Jim Cramer just said it can't get any worse: Phew!
You are learning to be content in all circumstances, just like the Apostle Paul: Good for you.
The baseball cards your wife tried to throw out are now your most valuable investment: Boy, does she feel silly.
There are lots of politicians angrily screaming about it on TV: History has taught us this is usually a good sign.
If you hold the chart upside-down, the numbers don't look so bad: It's all about perspective.
If the tariffs work, soon Chinese finger traps will be American finger traps: It's a small price to pay.
Breathe easy, folks. It's going to be okay.
Elon Musk recently disguised the IRS building as a Tesla dealership in a brilliant new plan.
