You've already seen the headlines — conservatives are trying to BAN BOOKS! Now, there is confirmation of this nefarious far-right plot to censor what American kids are allowed to read by removing them from school libraries while keeping them freely available everywhere else.
With the help of the American Library Association, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of beautiful children's literature conservative fascists are trying to ban:
- Dahmer — The Graphic Novel: Why won't those crazy right-wingers let kids read an educational comic book?
- Beauty & The Beastiality: No child should be deprived of the chance to enjoy this classic tale of romance and unspeakably unnatural acts.
- How To Make A Homemade Bomb And Do Fentanyl With A Stranger Without Your Parents Finding Out: Can you believe those fascists don't want kids to read this?
- The Necronomicon: A beloved literary work filled with demon resurrection passages compiled by a race of beings known as The Dark Ones. And puritanical conservatives want to deprive our children of this knowledge!
- If You Give A Lizzo A Banana: Perfect for bedtime, this book about body positivity and fruit abuse should be read by every small child.
- Of Mice And Trans-Men: An inspiring turn-of-the-century tale combining migrant workers and radical gender theory.
- Yaroslav Hunka — A Profile In Courage: This real-life story of a Canadian-honored military hero will help children become everything they can be.
Now tell us — what on earth is so harmful about those books? Read them to your kids while you can, before those dangerous culture-destroying conservatives burn them all!
NOT SATIRE: Iconic Hercules and God's Not Dead actor, Kevin Sorbo, is well known for being canceled from Hollywood for his Christian, conservative beliefs. Despite this, he refuses to shy away from calling out Hollywood and media for the destructive messages they are promoting. Kevin recently quoted Hollywood figureheads as, "bumbling, useless idiots" with a "misunderstanding of masculinity." To that we say "Good riddance, Kevin!"
As an alternative to Hollywood's destructive feminist messages, Kevin is working to promote a positive view of masculinity. His latest project is a children's book written with BRAVE Books titled The Test of Lionhood. In his book, Kevin equips families to teach a healthy view of biblical masculinity.
Time is running out. You do not want to miss this exclusive offer to get Kevin's brand-new book for free! Claim your free book when you join BRAVE's Freedom Island Book Club. You will receive a new pro-God, pro-America book delivered to your home each month when you join the club + Kevin's free book! It's a win-win!
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.