OTTAWA - Truckers taking part in the Freedom Convoy have had their GoFundMe page reinstated after employing a clever tactic: burning cop cars, trashing minority neighborhoods, and looting Nike Stores to trick GoFundMe into allowing them back on the platform.
"Er -- racial justice or whatever, eh?!" shouted one trucker disguised in a bandana, holding a fist of justice into the air. "We're fightin' for them, you know, them black folks and what-not, I tell you what, eh?
"All cops must die!" he added, before quickly adding, "Sorry."
After seeing the police cars burning throughout Ottawa, the smoke rising from black and brown neighborhoods around the city, and thousands of truckers running off with appropriated Nike boxes and Gucci bags, GoFundMe relented and allowed them to continue raising funds.
"We hadn't realized these truckers were actually noble activists on the right side of history," said GoFundMe spokesperson Mel Samurott. "We've immediately reinstated their account once we saw them punching cops, throwing bricks at conservative journalists, and kicking pregnant ladies."
"We apologize for the error."
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.