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Not everyone grows up going to a church camp over the summer. For those special few who bear the honor, consider how blessed you are - you may not be aware of how it has irrevocably changed your life.
Here are a few signs you grew up going to church camp:
1) You've been baptized 12 times: Everyone else was doing it!
2) You've sung "Lord, I Lift Your Name On High" at least 85,000 times: It's just white noise now.
3) You still have a bad back from that disastrous trust fall exercise: There's always a Judas.
4) There are 43 tie-dye shirts in your attic: They're right next to the box of 300 bandanas.
5) You still break out into a chant during meals: Is it a prayer? Is it a tick? You're not sure anymore.
6) Children are required to perform a skit or song before they can enjoy their dinner: This is the way.
7) There was a time in your life when your ultimate career ambition was to be a camp counselor: Everyone knows camp counselors are the most important and awesome people on Earth. But you became a salesman. Sad.
8) You almost lost your salvation while playing Ultimate Frisbee: And you're pretty sure Jesus was tempted the same way in the desert.
9) All of your theology comes from silly skits: Now you instinctively plan out skits in your mind to help you work out complex theological dilemmas.
10) Pretty sure you were engaged to that cute girl in cabin #8 for a week: Might have happened during that awkward game where you pass an orange to another person with your neck.
11) Whenever you have to pee, your first instinct is to jump in a nearby lake and do it there: Brisk!
12) You've been "blobbed" into the air to frightening heights by a 350lbs man: You also know what a blob is.
13) It is impossible for you to think about Jesus without also thinking about frisbee golf: Ball golf is for sinners!
NOT SATIRE: There really was a time you could take your whole family to the movies to see a clean comedy. And that time is this Friday, May 13 when FAMILY CAMP opens in theaters. An actual laugh-out-loud comedy, FAMILY CAMP is the first feature film from The Skit Guys - Tommy Woodard and Eddie James. The cast includes familiar faces like Leigh-Allyn Baker, Gigi Orsillo, Cece Kelly, Robert Amaya, and social media sensation Heather Land. FAMILY CAMP is sure to touch the hearts and tickle the funny bones of every family member from eight to eighty. Learn more at FamilyCampMovie.com
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.