Though votes from the 2022 midterm elections are still being tallied, the writing's on the wall: Republicans blew it. The only way they come back from this is by inspiring voters with some common sense changes to their policy and messaging.
Check out these inspiring ways to get out the vote:
- Get some of those wacky wild inflatable flailing arm tube men: No one can resist their siren call.
- Put on a sideways baseball cap and do a sweet rap for the urban youth: "Votes are the GOAT. Start representin' yo!", only better than that.
- Have Mitch McConnell do a TikTok dance: He'll skyrocket back to relevance!
- Say you are for Trump: This will rally the MAGA base.
- Say you are against Trump: This will rally the RINO base.
- Remind everyone George Floyd was a Republican: Only by voting red can he finally rest in power.
- Endorse baby killing: Single Gen Z women seem to love that.
- Send over 1000 fundraising texts to every single person every day forever: A slight increase from the standard 900 should do the trick.
- Remind everyone that Saddam might use his weapons of mass destruction if you're not elected: Oh wait--did we try that already?
- Promise to solve everyone's problems and then never do it: Works well for Democrats!
There you have it, Republicans! Follow our advice, and you'll be America's least-hated political party in no time!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
