Editors note: This article is for men only. No women allowed.
Let's face it, guys, decorating isn't as simple as it sounds. You want your house or apartment to look legit, not like some uncultured goof lives there. And you know you can't ask a girl for advice, since girls don't know anything about proper decorating.
Fortunately for you, The Babylon Bee is here to provide the only home decorating tips a man could need.
- Put a huge TV on the floor in the corner of the living room: Be sure to warm up the space with a couple of plastic lawn chairs.
- Cover the walls with fine weaponry: The more swords and guns you hang up, the better.
- Prominently display the helm of a shipping vessel from the 1700s: Every man should have one.
- Keep a box of random power cords and charging cables in the middle of the living room: Don't ever get rid of a cable, even if you don't remember what it goes to.
- Call attention to the main feature of your house, your giant gaming PC: Your gaming PC with colorful LED lighting should always be the focal point of the room.
- Hang up inspirational wooden signs with uplifting phrases like, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridias, commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.": Classic.
- Hang a trash bag on the door handle: Not having a trash can is a great space-saver.
- Star Wars bedsheets: It doesn't get any more sophisticated than Boba Fett.
- Make your own furniture out of cinder blocks and 2x10 boards: That will let female visitors know you're handy.
- Always keep a box of leftover pizza on the couch: A great way to show hospitality to hungry guests.
Follow those simple steps, and you can be sure to have the most masculine home on your street.
NOT SATIRE: If you want your house to look like an actual home and not some single dude's apartment, check out Rooted + Grounded!
We are a Christian wall decor company that started in 2017. We sell American-made items produced by us in our shop in Tyrone, Georgia. We offer a large selection of vintage and Christian art available in several different looks to accommodate a variety of home decor styles.
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.