GAZA — A day after being forced out of the University of Pennsylvania, Liz Magill has been announced as the new President of the Hamas Institute of Technology.

"Experience leading premier universities and comfort with Jewish genocide is a rare combination, and Ms. Magill has it in spades," said Haitham Hawajri, a university board member. "We are proud to welcome Ms. Magill as the President who will lead H.I.T. from the river to the sea."

According to H.I.T., the university had been without a president since a recent paragliding accident claimed his life. The board initiated an extensive search, eventually narrowing down the candidates to the presidents of Harvard, M.I.T., and Penn. "We were so torn after watching their Congressional testimony," said Hawajri. "Each made such beautiful equivocations for the mass murder of Jews. We really wrestled over who to go with, but ultimately Ms. Magill's condescending smirk while talking about genocide won us over."

At publishing time, H.I.T. had announced they were close to announcing Claudine Gay as the new Dean of Student Affairs.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.