MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Minnesotans were shocked yesterday to find out that their governor lost both of his arms during a rally in which he waved so hard that they flew off and went flying through the air.
According to eyewitnesses at the rally, Walz was using his best laidback country backwoods-boy voice and waving to everyone in sight when his arms strangely dislocated from the rest of his body and flew off, sort of like when one takes the arms off a Lego minifigure and throws them around.
"Mah fellah citizens," Walz had begun, grinning affably and waving his arms like the rotor of a Sikorsky UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter. "Where are those of yah who can't pay yah bills? Who do we blame for that, unless the rich? Where are the real heroes of tha people? Where are the champions of democracy? And where....where are my arms?"
While nobody was quite sure how to medically respond to Walz's predicament, he quickly assured everyone that it was "just a flesh wound" and asked an aide to pull out the emergency tampons in his pocket to help plug the holes.
At publishing time, CNN, MSNBC, ABC, the New York Times, and the Washington Post had all praised Walz for his outgoing friendliness and disarming public speaking abilities.
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