GAZA — Members of the terrorist organization Hamas were left frustrated after hearing many leftists in the United States and throughout the world were skeptical that Hamas had brutally massacred over 1,300 Jewish civilians after Hamas had put serious effort into livestreaming the atrocities.
"What's a guy have to do around here to get credit for mass murder?" asked Hamas terrorist Durka Mohammed. "We provide video after video clearly identifying our victims as helpless women and children, we film the execution, we leave the bodies out for evidence...what more do you people want from us??"
Despite the live video evidence from Hamas itself, documents from Hamas showing elementary schools as intended targets, thousands of photographs, and eyewitness testimony from both sides of the massacre, many liberals in the United States remain unconvinced that Hamas committed mass murder. "Sounds like a Jewish trick to me," said proud Democrat Dean Stinson. "Sure, it looks like Hamas is shooting women live on the internet, but I've seen movies where it looks like people get shot, and of course the Jews run Hollywood - so yeah. Plus, I heard someone say Hamas decapitated a baby, and while I've seen pictures of several babies shot to death by Hamas, I have yet to see a decapitated baby. So it's all Jewish propaganda."
At publishing time, in the wake of the remaining skepticism, Hamas members were reportedly running out of ways to definitively show how their entire goal in life was to kill Jews. "I guess we'll just have to start going door to door in America to show them in person. Actually, to be honest, that was going to be our plan all along. Surprise!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
