About Everything

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was in complete shock today at how impeccably she had chosen the wrong time to open her mouth about everything. After two weeks of enthusiastically dipping her toe into the unchartered waters of political disaster, she just couldn't understand the perfect timing of her own misfortune.

"From here to there, I said exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time," AOC mused, with a faint air of confusion, "It's as if I maintain a constant sense of rhythm, as if I'm a symphony of misstatements and woeful moments. I can't believe it." In the ensuing days she solemnly reflects on her misfortune, Ocasio-Cortez empathizes with the perfect synchronization of failure that she conjured.