California Cancels Thanksgiving/ACB Orders Handmaid’s Outfits News Show 10.30.2020

This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 10/30/2020.

In this Spooky episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the Babylon Bee being mentioned at the Senate hearings and the week’s top stories like another amazing Guinness World Record that Kyle gets so excited about, ACB ordering all Nation’s Women to Wear Handmaid’s Outfits, Democrats Proposing to stop Coyotes by distracting them with Decoy Roadrunners, and after Thanksgiving being banned, Californians turning to Turkey Barbecues in Honor of Black Lives Matter. Kyle and Ethan also share their favorite Horror Movies, TV Shows, and Books all in time for you to enjoy them before Halloween. Tune in for more weird news, cool stories, a trip to the mailbag and, of course, glorious hate mail.

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This episode is brought to you by Small Group The Movie.

Introduction

Kyle and Ethan joke about Jack Dorsey dressing as a homeless man during his remote senate hearings and being referenced at the Senate hearings. 

Stuff That’s Good

Kyle likes Geeks Under Grace

Ethan likes Flor De Selva cigars

Weird News

  1. World’s longest gum wrapper chain created by 70 year old retired teacher

  • He began the feat back in 1965, which is when Gum chains were quite popular

  • Gary’s record breaking chain came in at a mind boggling 106,810 ft. 

  • Gary says as someone with no special skills that he has to do a lot of hard work in order to succeed in getting a world record

  1. Woman allegedly posed as prosecutor, dropped charges against herself 

  • Lisa Landon used the state’s electronic system to drop the charges and submitted fake documents in three separate criminal cases last year.

  • A forensic examiner who was supposed to perform a competency evaluation on her, noticed the charges were dropped. 

  • Landon also falsified a judge’s decision to waive a filing fee and faked an order in a child custody case involving her child and a family member

  1. Police ID pastor accused of urinating on female Delta passenger: ‘He peed on me!’

  • According to the passenger named Alicia Beverly, told police she woke up on the plane around 2:45am to find a man urinating on her. 

  • After Beverly yelled ‘He peed on me,’ the Pastor said “I peed on her, I thought I was going to the bathroom”

  1. ‘Big Pile’ of eels dumped in NYC park; impact not yet known

  • After dumping the eels in the lake, the man walked away, explaining to bystanders that “I just want to save lives”

  • New York has a long history of people releasing animals. In 1890, Shakespeare enthusiasts released a flock of 60 European starlings(birds) that destroyed crops and snarl jet engines 

  1. California billionaire Bill Gross accused of blaring ‘Gilligan’s Island’ theme song on loop at his neighbor

  • Gross was frustrated that he was forced by the city to take down a series of lighting and netting that blocked the neighbors view. 

  • The neighbor told Gross to turn the music down and he responded “Peace on all fronts or we’ll just have nightly concerts big boy”

  1. Prescription drugs reported in children’s Halloween candy after California event 

  • At a trunk or treat where kids would get candy through their windows, Police reported that a mother called after she found a resealable plastic bag with four blue pills and a white tablet in her child’s bag of candy

  • Recommended to parents to go through their children’s candy piece by piece before they eat any of it 

  1. Headless horseman brings music, double-takes to Concord, MA

  • Man rides bicycle with no hands playing guitar while in a headless horseman costume

  • Bicyclist says he has started to play the trumpet instead of the guitar on some days

  • He has fallen, he said, but no serious falls as the headless horseman though 

Story 1

Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation's Women To Wear Handmaid's Outfit

Summary:WASHINGTON, D.C.—After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaid's outfits for the rest of their lives.

"Execute papal order 66," she said, her eyes glowing red. "Implement the theocratic state."

  • ACB was confirmed on a party line vote in the Senate 52-48 with only one Republican Susan Collins voting NO.

  • 'No': Graham Shuts Down Democrats' Attempts to Delay ACB Vote

    • Graham says that after what they did to Kavanaugh he is a changed man and didn’t seem to have any tolerance for what they were trying to do.

  • Democrat Harry Reid got rid of the rule requiring a supermajority to end debate over a nominee in 2013 so these narrow votes are able to get through.

Story 2 

 Democrats Propose Stopping Coyotes By Distracting Them With Decoy Roadrunners

Summary: After Trump brought attention to the coyote epidemic at the southern border during the debates, Democrats on Twitter are offering unique solutions to the problem, such as setting up decoy roadrunners to distract the coyotes.

 

Trump brought up coyotes bringing immigrants over the border. Liberals freaked out on Twitter and it was hilarious.

https://twitter.com/SophNar0747/status/1319524700721192967

USA Today Factcheck: Fact check: Trump did not mean actual 'coyotes' take children across the border

A "coyote," also known as "el coyote" is a term for people who smuggle others across borders in exchange for payment.

Story 3

After Thanksgiving Banned, Californians To Hold Turkey Barbecues In Honor Of Black Lives Matter On November 26

Summary: CALIFORNIA—Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates.

Californians all announced they are complying with the plan and instead of celebrating Thanksgiving will be holding Black Lives Matter turkey barbecues scheduled, coincidentally, for November 26. 

Topic of the Week

Scary Stuff We Like

Ethan: 

Movies: 

Exorcism of Emily Rose 

Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness

Bad Taste, Dead Alive (Braindead)

The Babadook

Troll 2

Birdemic

the Thing (Kurt Russell)

Get Out

Shaun of the Dead

Gremlins

Spielberg’s War of the Worlds

The Monster Squad

Riki Oh

Dead Heat

Books: 

Brave Ollie Possum!

Babylon Bee Writers recommend the Cat which has a kung fu fight between a cat and dog

Kyle:

Movies: 

  • New Blumhouse series - The Lie, Black Box, Nocturne, Evil Eye.

  • It Follows

  • The Witch

  • Misery

  • The Shining

  • Cabin in the Woods

  • Happy Death Day

  • Alien

  • Get Out

  • The Invisible Man

  • A Quiet Place

  • 2017’s It

  • Zombieland

  • Color Out of Space

  • 1922

  • Doctor Sleep

  • Black Sheep 

Books:

  • The Shining

  • Pet Sematary

  • Misery

  • Salem’s Lot

  • Frankenstein

  • Something Wicked This Way Comes

  • Carrie

  • Lovecraft: At the Mountains of Madness, The Festival, The Rats in the Walls, The Shadow over Innsmouth, Colour out of Space

Hate Mail

Check out some of the best Hate Tweets that are doing their best at hurting Kyle and Ethan’s feelings. 

Subscriber Lounge

  • Behind the Scenes Update of the Studio being installed

  • Updates on the Babylon Bee Book being sent out

  • Kyle and Ethan read from the mailbag about their experiences with Christian Worship music

  • Bonus hate mail from a reader that discourages Lebron wearing Lace to Basketball games

  • Exclusive cool Ethan and Kyle stories 

  • Email your cool stories for subscriber exclusive reading to [email protected]

 

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