WORLD — People across the globe were left in utter shock as President Trump staked out a seemingly extreme position in order to negotiate the best possible deal.
Media members were left stunned as Trump did not actually usher in a nuclear apocalypse, but instead extracted concessions from Iran in a ceasefire deal.
"He's never done anything like this," said New York resident Stacey McBride. "I was sure all of Iran would be nuked by now. Trump always speaks literally with no exaggeration whatsoever. Not once have I seen Trump establish an outlandish initial position to move the framework of negotiation, and then come back to the middle. Trump really should have written out this strategy somewhere so that he wouldn't scare us like this."
Several journalists have called for Trump to be prosecuted for war crimes for frightening them so badly. "After Iran positioned women and children as human shields, Trump posted something on the internet that spooked me. That's a war crime," explained columnist David French. "Given Trump's history of meekly negotiating without using bombastic language to win better deals, the only logical conclusion was that we were all about to die. I have yet to stop urinating on myself."
At publishing time, the world had expressed total disbelief that Trump would use an expletive when describing a terrorist state.
Steve and Timpani's continued adjustment to all things Texas hits a speed bump when Timpani's sister, Brittuni, arrives.
