WAUKEE, IA — Local suburban housewife Keightlyynn Huxley reported today that an unusual cloud of depression has been following her around lately, and she can't explain why.
Huxley also listens to approximately 8 hours of podcasts about serial killers every day, a fact she is certain is unrelated to her depression.
"I dunno, I just feel tired, lethargic, and kinda sad," said Huxley while pulling up the next episode of World's Most Disturbing Serial Rapist Murder Case Files on her phone. "I just don't feel right. Maybe I need to drink more alkaline water or something. Or maybe I can go to Chick-fil-A and then spend $250 at Target. That should make me feel better."
Sources said the wife then went to Target to pick up some fuzzy blankets and Nerds Gummy Clusters to eat while listening to yet another episode of History's Most Elusive Incest Torturers on in the car in the Target parking lot.
"I'm normally not like this," said Huxley to reporters. "It must be seasonal depression. Or maybe my husband is planning to murder me. Those are the most likely scenarios."
At publishing time, Huxley had made herself feel a little better by opening a glass of wine and drinking it in the tub while listening to the rest of an episode of Killers Who Kill Women While They're Drinking Wine In The Tub.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
