EAGAN, MN — Sources close to native Minnesotan Paul Johnson are reporting that the 35-year-old told a buddy of his that "we should get together sometime" before preparing to completely forget about his existence for the next two decades.
Johnson's friend, Daniel Hendricks, said that the two high-school mates had already been playing "phone and text tag" for the previous five years before a brief interaction in which they planned to "hang out at some point."
"You know how it goes," Hendricks said, glancing at his phone as a text from Paul popped up and mentally resolving to answer it later. "We were really close when we were younger, so we try to stay in touch as adults by completely forgetting each other for years at a time. This last time, we accidentally ran into each other at our hometown grocery store and remembered how we had been planning to get together to catch up."
Despite the pair's atrocious track record of keeping up with one another, Paul was "pretty sure" that they'd be able to pull off a two-hour coffee get-together at some point in the future.
"I think we're pretty close to actually hanging out this time, though," Paul added. "After all, Daniel did agree that we should get together sometime, which sounds like we can do it soon. Maybe we'll have a bit of time after our newborns start sleeping through the night. I'll have to text Daniel with a good time one of these days."
At publishing time, the pair had to postpone their get-together for another 13 years after Daniel had gotten distracted from returning Paul's text by a new job, moving across the state, and having another three kids.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
