MALIBU, CA — Wayne Brady, the beloved comedian who performed on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, hosted Let's Make A Deal, and voiced Noah's son in the direct-to-video film Veggie Tales: Noah's Ark, has come out to friends and family as needing more attention.
"I had no idea that needing more attention was an identity," said Brady with a proud smile. "But I feel so free and full of joy now that I have revealed my long-held secret to the world. I'm finally free to be me: and who I am is a man in need of more attention than I'm getting right now."
"Please pay attention to me. Please."
Brady's publicist happily reported a 13% increase in attention after the announcement, with several media organizations booking interviews with the new member of the attention-seeking community.
Highly-paid therapists in southern California also applauded the decision. "Every single oddity, perversion, and personality quirk is now a sexual identity," said Dr. Doug Doogle, an impossibly wealthy therapist in Beverly Hills. "If you pay me enough money, I can help you discover your sexual identity and maybe you too can get the attention you desperately need!"
At publishing time, Brady's publicist had made plans for Brady to come out as something else in a couple of years when his attention runs low again.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.