KYIV - While searching for his mother-in-law's remains among the smoldering rubble of the apartment complex targeted by Russian bombers, local Ukrainian Illia Smyrnenkho expressed gratitude that he did not have to endure the atrocities of January 6th.
"The horrors Americans faced on January 6th really give you perspective," said Smyrnenkho while adjusting the bloodied bandage that covered his mangled left eye socket. "I've lost family and friends to ruthless bombings, but at least no one pushed a metal barrier toward me or hit me with a plastic flag pole. I count myself lucky. We all do."
Smyrnenkho is one of many Ukrainians who see their plight as a sunny picnic compared to January 6th, 2021, and who, alongside all of humanity, place their hope on the revered January 6th Commission's solemn duty to leave no stone unturned in their investigation until the day after the next U.S. Presidential election.
"I truly hope the elected representatives on that committee will soon uncover what really happened on the bloodiest day in human history, so the countless people who sacrificed their lives to protect democracy as we know it will not have done so in vain," said Smyrnenkho as he huddled with his starving children and listened to the freezing rainfall upon their makeshift tent.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
