KHERSON, UKRAINE — In an incident some have labeled the Ukraine-Russia War's "Christmas Truce," Ukrainian and Russian soldiers have paused their fighting to capture a photo of their adorable matching American tanks.
"At first, First Class Sergeant Melnyk was mortified that he showed up with the exact same tank as his Russian counterpart – but we ended up turning the whole thing into a temporary ceasefire and photo op!" First Battalion Commander Oleksiy Shevchenko wrote a letter to his wife that our reporters obtained, with a tattered photo of the sweet moment enclosed.
When the United States left billions in tanks and advanced weaponry in Afghanistan during a rushed and ill-planned pullout in 2021, many experts suspected the Taliban would capture and sell American weaponry. This fear turned out to be well-founded as this week, new reports emerged that the Taliban has begun selling American equipment to Russia – but the matching tank photo may end up standing as a symbol of the common humanity and U.S. weapons that all nations seem to share.
At publishing time, fighting had broken out again when Ukrainian troops began bragging that they didn't have to use any baking soda to get that "Old Taliban Smell" out of their tanks, since theirs were new.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: